I'm not feeling good today. I need to get away, to a place where I can meditate and commune with nature.

Beginnings

Like morning dew
Like cold water on a hot summer day
Beginnings are fresh and needed for life to grow
Thank You!

Private

I am making this blog private. Thought I could get back into blogging but I am not feeling it. I have lost the desire to write, instead I am keeping things close to my chest and heart. Time to hit the gym and get to bicycling. Maybe one day I will return to blogging...not sure where I will blog but for now I am taking a break.

Dream

Two nights ago I dreamt of her. We made love and it was sweet. She cried. I hope she is doing well.

Sigh

It's amazing how you spend time with someone and fall madly in love, but they can barely stand you.

to say i can barely stand you is not a true statement. i love you more than anything. i am not who i should be. and that hurts.

Hope

When hope is lost there is nothing

Hope lost
Is
Devastation
Born

Wrong turns
Wrong choices
Wrong existence

Not life

Just Existing

Bandaid 2

Yes, my wounds are self inflicted and they have spread and infected the very one that I love dearly.

I pray that your soul does not die but heals.

My soul
Tormented
Torn

I don't deserve you
You don't deserve the treatment you received

Your self is worth more
Your soul is worth more

There is not enough sorry to make things better

In a crowded room emptiness and loneliness are my companions

My smile empty
My heart empty

I walk alone

Pardon

I have caused pain
I have caused tears
I have caused hate
I have caused death

Mine awaits

Bandaid

Bandaids just cover the wound so that nothing gets in to create an infection.

Infection
Wounds fester
Spreading poison
Giant bandaid

Wound cleaned
Not healed
Still festering

Amputation
Inevitable

Lost

There will never be a love like the one I lost. The one I screwed up. A hole in my heart, never to be filled. A love that will NEVER be duplicated.

Randomness

I wonder if people who hurt others through lies and deceit walk around with a heaviness inside. If not, I wonder how they do it because I am in pain. I feel like I will never have true joy in my life again, just a life of existing, and that's not living at all.

Breathe...Breathe...Breathe

COLOR

SHADES OF BLUE, BLACK AND GREY
NOTHINGNESS
HOLLOW
SHADES OF GREY

STANDING
IN THE MIDST
OF
SHAME
ALOOFNESS
SHADES OF BLACK

BRUISED
BROKEN
UNABLE TO FLY
NEAR
THE
END
SHADES OF BLUE
COVERED IN A
CANOPY
OF
DEATH

Random Thoughts Not Too Random

Another year is coming to an end. A year full of misgivings, mistakes, heart ache, pain, sorrow, tears, heart break, hope lost...a year of confusion. I wish there was some way I could turn back the hands of time and do things differently, but sadly, I can not.

As 2008 comes to an end, I look towards 2009, wondering. There are goals to be set and accomplished. No more letting laziness and procrastination take control. With the Creator at the helm of my ship, I will sail waters uncharted, climb mountains rugged, travel roads wide and narrow, face my fears head on and keep moving forward.

2008...a year to learn from.

2009...a year to grow and blossom

QUESTION

NOW WHAT?

Lost

somewhere between the grey skies

and muddy waters

that is where i am

with no light at the end of the tunnel

lost

YES

FEELING GREAT TODAY
I CLOSE MY EYES
AND
SEE
THE SATISFACTION
OF
MY TOUCH

Thankful

Today I am
Thankful
For
Everything

My Prayer

I don't know where the winds of time will take me, us. Every morning I pray for wisdom and strength and clarity and guidance. I can only leave things in Gods hands.

The Moon Saved Me

Words written by My Beloved....


Beautiful is the moon, full and bright for all to see. The moon has whispered softly, in a voice reserved solely for me. "Be patient my dearest flower, for the sun shall shine again, but in the mean time rest your petals and know in me you have a friend. "My heart smiled beneath wilted petals, on a hot summer's night, the coolness of the full moon embraced me, giving me strength to continue the fight. Alone I have been in the struggle, in solitude I grew bitter from fear, but a rain shower fell upon me, and the sun's words were loud and clear,"Dearest Flower I left you only for the night, but by day my light is for you, seek shelter from the storms of life. You, my dearest flower, are my inspiration to rise each day, i adore you like no other and with you my warmth shall stay." In love we were once again the sun kissed the droplets away, enveloped in a blanket of love, for now and all my days.

Only You God

Only you know which way my life will end up

For guidance along the way I pray

Make me humble so that it is your voice I hear

Cleanse my heart of negative thoughts letting me see with a renewed spirit and mind

Most of all give me a forgiving heart and forgive me off all wrong doings

My soul is in shambles

I need peace